This is written in love, truth, and urgency for the woman whose husband is enslaved to sexual sin. This is not a call to quick divorce. It is a call to clarity, to safety, to biblical help, and to real repentance—not the cheap, cosmetic kind that withers in a week.
1. Sexual Sin is Not “Just a Struggle” – It’s Slavery
If your husband is enslaved to pornography, infidelity, or other forms of sexual sin, you are not imagining the destruction it is causing. The Bible does not minimize this—it calls it bondage.
“Jesus replied, ‘Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.’” (John 8:34)
A man in bondage will lie to keep his sin alive. He will excuse it, hide it, or blame you for it. This is not about “boys being boys” or “just looking.” This is about a heart that refuses to submit to Christ’s lordship in the most intimate areas of life.
2. This is First a Worship Problem, Not a Marriage Problem
Sexual sin is not fundamentally about lust, boredom, or unmet needs. It’s about idolatry. Your husband is bowing before the false god of self-gratification. He is worshiping pleasure over Christ. That’s why lectures, guilt trips, or more sexual availability won’t fix him—because the root is in his heart, not in your body.
Until he fears God more than he craves sin, nothing will change.
“You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20:3)
3. Cheap Apologies Aren’t Repentance
A man in sexual bondage may weep and swear he’s done, only to return to the same sin days later. God’s Word draws a line between worldly sorrow (sorry he got caught) and godly sorrow (hatred of the sin itself).
True repentance will show up in radical measures:
Full confession without minimizing or blaming.
Complete exposure—no hidden devices, no secret accounts.
Willingness to invite trusted men into his life for accountability.
Humility to pursue professional biblical counseling.
If he won’t take radical steps, he’s not repenting—he’s stalling.
“Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.” (Matthew 3:8)
4. You Need Safety and Support
You are not called to silently absorb the blow after blow of betrayal. You are called to live in the light, walk in truth, and guard your heart. This may mean setting boundaries, seeking help from your church leaders, or in some cases, separating for a time to allow for genuine repentance and safety.
Your silence will not save your marriage—truth and light might.
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” (Ephesians 5:11)
5. Don’t Carry the Guilt of His Sin
One of the cruelest lies a wife in your position can believe is, “If I were prettier, more sexual, or more available, he wouldn’t be doing this.” That is a lie from the pit of hell. His sin is not because you are lacking—it’s because his heart is wayward. You can’t seduce a man into holiness. Only the Spirit of God can do that.
“Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.” (James 1:14)
6. Anchor Your Soul in Christ, Not in His Change
Your hope cannot be tethered to his progress reports, tears, or promises. Your hope must be rooted in the One who has never lied to you, never betrayed you, never looked away from you—Jesus Christ.
Yes, pray for your husband’s repentance. Yes, fight for truth. But you must also protect your own walk with God. Feed your soul with His Word. Surround yourself with wise, godly women who will speak life and truth over you.
Final Word:
Sister, you are not crazy. You are not overreacting. You are standing in the rubble of a covenant he has vandalized with his sin. The way forward is not easy. But it must be true. Let the light of Christ flood every corner of this situation. Expose the darkness. Call sin what it is. Refuse to live in a false peace. And hold on to the One who will never be unfaithful to you.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
With love,
Pastor Charlie