Longing for a Child to Hold

longing for a child to hold.jpg

To my sister with empty arms:

I’m writing this to you as a reminder that you are not in this alone. Sometimes, walking through trials can make you feel isolated because you don't feel like anyone can relate to what you're going through. I have walked in your shoes. I’ve felt the longing you have for a child to hold. The knots in your stomach when another friend tells you she’s pregnant, and you force back the tears while you smile and congratulate them. Our emotions can play some crazy games, but God is rich in mercy.

Infertility can bring out the worst in a person, and also in a marriage. At least it did for me.  For real, another pregnancy announcement?! They weren’t even trying! Gasp! They aren’t even married!? Surely, my husband and I are more capable of raising a child than they are. This endless cycle of comparison, envy, anger and sadness can go on and on, even when you have the knowledge of the gospel. 

Through our 8-year journey of childlessness, I became very bitter and numb. The first few years I was in denial, and then it turned to extreme sadness and envy. All I could do was be hopeful that one day, whether it would be through medical intervention, adoption, or a complete miracle, we would be parents. The Lord allowed me to experience grief, loss and humility, in ways I never would have imagined. Then, through His timing and providence, He truly showed me His grace and sovereignty in ways I never would have imagined.

Sister, the way you feel right now has merit. This feeling of despair, of jealousy, of anger…they aren’t for nothing. This is part of your story. Cry out to our God with those feelings. Pray with others and ask the Lord to give you the strength to wait on Him well with those feelings. Wait well. This is what I learned a few years in… I wasn’t waiting well. I needed to wait well. I needed to surrender these feelings to the Lord and ask how I could serve Him even with this deep longing.  "But how?"  Sister, He will show you.
 

“You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace for it is trusting in you. Trust in the Lord forever, because in the Lord, the Lord himself is an everlasting rock."
Isaiah 26:3-4


Our God knows far more than our small minds can even grasp, even at this stage when there are so many unknowns about what the future will hold. But all this is just cause to trust Him even more.

How does your husband feel about this season of life? Are you sharing your heart with him? Does he understand how deeply it is affecting you?My prayer is that you two are united in this journey. You’re in this together. It may take time for him, because he’s not the one taking the pregnancy test only to see one-line, month after month, but in time he’ll understand the hurt.

Talk about a plan. Are you going to see a fertility specialist? How do you feel about adoption? Once you two are on the same page, it will make a world of difference. I pray that this unity will come soon for you.  

Cling to Christ. He is our only sure foundation. He hears our prayers and has promised to comfort us. (Matthew 5:4, 11:28)  I love you sister, and I am here for you, pleading that the Lord will answer your prayer for a child.

A Few Helpful Resources

Season of Waiting by Betsy Childs Howard

Walking through Infertility by Matthew Arbo

Don’t Waste your Infertility

Embryo Adoption

Lindsay picture.jpg

Lindsay Corgan loves Christ and has a unmistakable way of loving well the people around her.  She and her husband, Scott, live in Shelbyville, KY with their beautiful daughter Molly Joy. 

Depression Part 3

As we actually become more like our Savior, we begin to see how our worth, purpose, and hope is intrinsically tied to him, not to our feelings or present circumstance. When we identify with Christ, we abide in him and become more like him. The result is that we see our worth without decay (like Christ!), our purpose without boundaries (like Christ!), and our hope without fear (like Christ!). This is the final post in a three-part series on depression. We looked at two passages of Scripture to help us build new habits of praying, thinking, and seeing. Now, we turn our attention to doing. 

Depression Part 2

Even the fight toward joy can be filled with despair when we look at our own deficiencies. In the last post about depression, we were challenged to replace anxiety with joy through anxiety-killing prayer and faith-filled thinking. As anyone who begins to implement these new habits quickly realizes, the struggle intensifies as we begin to fight. Our thinking is darker than we realized. Our heart is prone to wander further than we were aware. And our prayers are more distracted and irregular than we hoped. It is at this moment of realization that we must look not to our own weaknesses, but instead fix our eyes on the beautiful glories of Christ who loves us and died for us even while we were sinners (Rom 5:8).

The Power of Encouragement

Many years ago, I participated in a group devotional in which the facilitator did something brilliant. He instructed each person in the group to encourage each other with kind words. I remember how the entire atmosphere of the room changed as people began testifying of the power of God in each other’s lives with words filled with life and grace. That night I personally witnessed God’s redemptive purpose behind words. Words are meant to bring hope, healing, truth, and reconciliation. In fact, the Gospel of Christ is mainly communicated to others through words. They have the power to strengthen our confidence in the nature and character of God...