Longing for a Child to Hold

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To my sister with empty arms:

I’m writing this to you as a reminder that you are not in this alone. Sometimes, walking through trials can make you feel isolated because you don't feel like anyone can relate to what you're going through. I have walked in your shoes. I’ve felt the longing you have for a child to hold. The knots in your stomach when another friend tells you she’s pregnant, and you force back the tears while you smile and congratulate them. Our emotions can play some crazy games, but God is rich in mercy.

Infertility can bring out the worst in a person, and also in a marriage. At least it did for me.  For real, another pregnancy announcement?! They weren’t even trying! Gasp! They aren’t even married!? Surely, my husband and I are more capable of raising a child than they are. This endless cycle of comparison, envy, anger and sadness can go on and on, even when you have the knowledge of the gospel. 

Through our 8-year journey of childlessness, I became very bitter and numb. The first few years I was in denial, and then it turned to extreme sadness and envy. All I could do was be hopeful that one day, whether it would be through medical intervention, adoption, or a complete miracle, we would be parents. The Lord allowed me to experience grief, loss and humility, in ways I never would have imagined. Then, through His timing and providence, He truly showed me His grace and sovereignty in ways I never would have imagined.

Sister, the way you feel right now has merit. This feeling of despair, of jealousy, of anger…they aren’t for nothing. This is part of your story. Cry out to our God with those feelings. Pray with others and ask the Lord to give you the strength to wait on Him well with those feelings. Wait well. This is what I learned a few years in… I wasn’t waiting well. I needed to wait well. I needed to surrender these feelings to the Lord and ask how I could serve Him even with this deep longing.  "But how?"  Sister, He will show you.

“You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace for it is trusting in you. Trust in the Lord forever, because in the Lord, the Lord himself is an everlasting rock."
Isaiah 26:3-4

Our God knows far more than our small minds can even grasp, even at this stage when there are so many unknowns about what the future will hold. But all this is just cause to trust Him even more.

How does your husband feel about this season of life? Are you sharing your heart with him? Does he understand how deeply it is affecting you?My prayer is that you two are united in this journey. You’re in this together. It may take time for him, because he’s not the one taking the pregnancy test only to see one-line, month after month, but in time he’ll understand the hurt.

Talk about a plan. Are you going to see a fertility specialist? How do you feel about adoption? Once you two are on the same page, it will make a world of difference. I pray that this unity will come soon for you.  

Cling to Christ. He is our only sure foundation. He hears our prayers and has promised to comfort us. (Matthew 5:4, 11:28)  I love you sister, and I am here for you, pleading that the Lord will answer your prayer for a child.

A Few Helpful Resources

Season of Waiting by Betsy Childs Howard

Walking through Infertility by Matthew Arbo

Don’t Waste your Infertility

Embryo Adoption

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Lindsay Corgan loves Christ and has a unmistakable way of loving well the people around her.  She and her husband, Scott, live in Shelbyville, KY with their beautiful daughter Molly Joy.