Let’s be honest—this is the conversation no one likes to have in church.
It’s easier to nod politely in the hallway, talk about schedules and recipes, and pretend the marriage is fine. But you’ve been carrying a silent ache for years. You watch other husbands lead their wives, pray over their kids, open the Bible at home, and you wonder—Why won’t mine?
You’ve prayed. You’ve asked. You’ve reminded. You’ve invited him to men’s breakfast, couples’ Bible studies, and church events. You’ve even asked me to “have a talk” with him—as if one conversation might light a permanent fire in his heart.
But deep down, you know the truth: If he doesn’t have a hunger for God, no pastor’s invitation, no event, and no clever speaker is going to change that.
I’ve been doing this long enough to say it plainly: This is not a scheduling problem—it’s a spiritual problem.
The Heart of the Problem
Your husband’s lack of spiritual leadership is not primarily about being “busy,” “tired,” or “not into that sort of thing.”
It’s about the heart.
Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). The way a man spends his time, the way he engages (or doesn’t engage) spiritually, reveals where his heart truly is.
If he knows Christ but isn’t leading, he’s either disobeying or spiritually immature. If he doesn’t know Christ, his disinterest makes sense—he’s spiritually dead. Either way, this is not about finding the right event or giving the right pep talk. It’s about God transforming him from the inside out.
Why You Can’t Carry His Role
Ephesians 5 doesn’t give husbands a suggestion—it gives them a command: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v.25). That means sacrificial, intentional, spiritual leadership.
But I’ve seen too many wives, out of love and frustration, try to become their husband’s personal Holy Spirit—nagging, coaxing, strategizing. It’s exhausting, it’s soul-crushing, and it rarely works. Only God can take a cold, distracted heart and set it ablaze.
When Provision Replaces Obedience
Many men justify their spiritual absence by pointing to their paycheck. “I work hard. I provide. Isn’t that enough?”
But the Bible says otherwise:
Live with your wife in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7)
Bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)
Be an example in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity (1 Timothy 4:12)
A man can pay every bill, mow the lawn every week, and still fail as a husband if he neglects his God-given role to lead spiritually.
What You Can Do
Pray for His Heart, Not Just His Habits
Ask God to awaken him—not just to attend more, but to love Christ more.Entrust Him to the Lord
1 Peter 3:1–2 shows that a wife’s respectful and pure conduct can speak volumes, even without words.Guard Against Bitterness
Hebrews 12:15 warns that bitterness will rot your own soul if left unchecked.Find Your Strength in Christ
Your spiritual life doesn’t have to be paralyzed by his inaction.Model What You Hope to See
Live a faith worth imitating—not to manipulate, but because Jesus is worthy.
The Hope That Anchors You
Here’s the truth you might not want to hear:
Your husband might never change.
But Jesus will never stop leading you.
He is your Shepherd (John 10:11). He is your Bridegroom (Ephesians 5:32). He will never neglect, abandon, or ignore you (Hebrews 13:5).
So yes—pray for your husband. Yes—long for his obedience. But anchor your hope in Christ’s faithfulness, not your husband’s transformation.
And here’s the raw reality: You can’t save him, fix him, or force him to lead. But you can refuse to let his disobedience rob you of your joy in Christ.
Sister, keep walking with Jesus. Keep your hands open in prayer. Keep your eyes fixed on the One who loves you perfectly. Your husband may never step up—
but Jesus already has.